Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
