The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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