I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize