she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
