You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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