I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
