Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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