when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
