You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
