I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
