well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
