i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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