That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
