for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
