maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You're a waste of cheezeits
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
