This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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