I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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