Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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