Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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