Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
