Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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