I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
