I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
