Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
