I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
