So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
