Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
jump out the window naked night went bad
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
