You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
