This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
