I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I sprained my soul last night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
