Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
