I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
