Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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