When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize