It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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