we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize