I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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