I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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