i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
