connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
