She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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