I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Couch. On fire.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
