hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
