i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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