Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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