I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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