I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
