Someone shit on the floor
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
