Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
