two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
