I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wear drunk well.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
