i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
