I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Terrible idea I love it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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