May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
