I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
