Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
