I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
