sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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