I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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