I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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