I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
