Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
