Screwed.edu
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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