Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
