Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
