Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He shit in the fireplace
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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