the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
