there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
