TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
