Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
