if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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