hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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