Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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