we made out on top of his cat.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
