Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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