I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
