you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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