i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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