Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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