we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
